is your mom at the bar?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
