one two three fourrrrnication!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
