Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
