Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
