This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
