How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize