Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
