did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
