What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
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Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
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The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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