After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
