Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
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I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
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She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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