atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
