I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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