I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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