I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
