wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
