Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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