do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
