dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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