i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
