You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
