so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
