Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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