Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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