yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
