So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
