I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
