is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
