In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
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Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.