The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
