Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The adults are the big ones right?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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