No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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