3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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