you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
