can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
