im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
