She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
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I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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