I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
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She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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