My hand turned me down
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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