Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
