This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
