is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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