almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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