i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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