is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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