my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize