you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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