I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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