just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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