Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
