I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
