I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
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I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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