Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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