If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
True college students do jello shots in the library
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