You smell like stripper and shame
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
