um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
God I need to hump something, right now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
