I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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