why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
