He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
