You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
