If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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