I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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