you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
